took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
better to have posed nude and lost than to never have posed nude at all...thats what i always say
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
Randomize