Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
Randomize
