Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
Randomize
