I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
We made a drinking game out of Project Runway. Gay guys are so fun.
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
Randomize
