I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
I just watched a video of Justin Bieber kissing a girl..... the sad thing is that I actually got upset.
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
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