It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
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