sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
Randomize
