His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
So I am just swinging blind here, but I am guessing that blood in your sinus is not ideal
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
Randomize
