i get tired of guys telling me there married or they have a girlfriend. they act like it concerns or matters to me
Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
Randomize
