go do what you do best...puke behind churches
This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
Randomize
