its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
These are all good points. But, I think your under estimating what it's like to be held upside down for a standing 69
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
Randomize
