i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
Randomize
