So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
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