So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
So random question. Does beer act the same as other alcohol disinfectants?
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
Randomize
