dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
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