I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
Randomize
