i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
I wonder how skeet ulrich feels about the skeet skeet phrase and and what it denotes.
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
Randomize