Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
Randomize
