Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
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