Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
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Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
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