he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
i think i scared a bird with my dick
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
Randomize