I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
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