I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
White boys cant dance....we did an empirical study
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
Randomize
