We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
even through the webcam i could tell he was aiming for my face/hair
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
I believe in your delicious
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
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