He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
splinters make it hard to masturbate
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
I love you. Go after that dick
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
Randomize
