i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
that is very illegal...i love you.
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
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