saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
just got dressed up for chatroulette- THAT desperate.
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
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