you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
Randomize
