I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
worst night to have a conscience
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
Randomize
