The maid of honor just puked.
i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
Randomize
