so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
Randomize
