does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
Randomize
