dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
Randomize
