She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
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