I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
and she was petting her beer can
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
found POGS while I was cleaning my room this morning. Definitely bringing them back to school to turn into a drinking game.
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
Randomize
