he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
He chose me to be his birthday sex..theres a lot of pressure riding on this bang
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
Randomize
