dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
BRING THE BAGELS
the next morning we realized we didnt speak the same language... guess i subconsciously did learn a little german last semester. thanks study abroad.
ah the experiences a semester in Vienna can give you. Frau would enjoy knowing that even while sleeping during class you still managed to learn enough german to get laid
While she was pissing on the neighbors shrubs, they threatened to call the cops...she mumbled 'don't threaten me with a good time", so to answer your question, yes she was drunk.
I wear drunk well.
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
well you're talking to a woman who had glorious sex less than 24 hrs ago so my opinion is biased.
they just got in argument over who had more of your dick pics. quit sending shit to my sisters fucker
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
Randomize
