Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
Randomize
