just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
Holy shit dude........stairs
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
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