If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
I don't know, But i remember him licking ecstasy off my boobs and my boyfriend cheering him on
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
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