Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
Is it possible for Craig Seger to wear a normal suit and not look like an asshole on national tv?
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
Agreed. Everyone should experience a blackout before 3pm in their lifetime.
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
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