I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
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If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
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He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
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