just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
um care to explain the stolen chinchila under greg's bed..i'd be fine with it if it wasnt chewing up the stash
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
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