Don't be scared. It'll feel very good. And you'll be clean afterwards. I'm growling right now.
i just google searched "what time does taco bell open"
Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
Randomize
