why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
Please note that in response to your post about your dog's jaws clamped hard around a stick, I did not comment, "Takes after his dad." You're welcome.
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
Randomize
