I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
It was close. I was the girl scoping out where all the garbage cans were located in the class just in case.
This is why you don't heavily drink before 2 midterms.
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
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