You can spell. I can kill people with no remorse. We all have our skills.
Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
Randomize
