the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
NO. ANAL IS NOT A GAME.
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
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