Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
We made a drinking game out of Project Runway. Gay guys are so fun.
i screwed him while his gf was puking in the shower. 2011 is looking up already
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
Randomize
