its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
at the topless march for equality..and wow.not all these boobs should be treated equally
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
Randomize
