I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
Someone shattered a urinal.
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
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