from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
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i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
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Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
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