Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
Randomize
