In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
God I need to hump something, right now.
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