Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
PS: I just woke up from my shower
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
Randomize
