Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
Well besides you comparing him to your dead cat, I'd say it was fine.
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
just won 200$ from the school for "liking" the anti-alcohol seminar. putting it to good use
how?
not even kidding, my fake id is arriving in 6-8 business days
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
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