It's what's on the inside that counts(972): They probably have big open vaginas so the inside is no good
i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
This baby is an asshole
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
Randomize
