Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
I can't ever handle being "that girl" again. At least not until next semester.
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
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we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
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I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
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