i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
Yes perhaps we are both wrong. And did you call me bj girl?
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
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