I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
why does hillary duff have a greatest hits album?
When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
And he put my hair in my clip while i blew him...and he did a good job
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
Randomize
