I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
Randomize
