maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
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