At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
Not only do prius' look terrible they are terrible to have sex in
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
The house hit rave levels when La Bamba came on which confuses me because I live in white suburban Canada
PARA BAILAR LA BAMBA ASSHOLES
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
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