i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
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