chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
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