He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
Randomize
