Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
I'm love that we're talking about a possible 3rd 3some, and that you're going to be a dad.
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
Randomize
